Yes, I formed a bucket list. There’s a ton of stuff on it too, so I hope to
live a long life.
Some of you may be asking why something so simple is on
my list. Well, let me give you some
background. I’ve had my hair chemically
relaxed since I was 13. As a result, my
hair has always been somewhat long. Of
course, this was mostly in response to the societal cues (in my community at
least) that if you don’t have long, straight (and preferably blonde) hair,
you’re unattractive. Thus, although not blonde, I tried to fit into the mold
with straight, relaxed, shoulder-length hair that often times was scrunched up
into a ponytail since I didn’t want to take the time to flat iron it. It’s not that I didn’t like my hair, but I found
it to be a lot more time consuming and difficult to take care of. Not to mention, my hair can be quite
fussy. In the end, I’ve generally had
the same hair style for over a decade.
After 12 years of getting my hair straightened and
noticing a severe decline in the health of my hair and my scalp as a direct
result of the chemicals, I felt it was time to move on. Last October after my
final relaxer, I vowed to grow out my natural mane and never look back. The original plan was to leave my relaxed hair
in until my new tresses grew out to a long enough length. I decided I definitely didn’t want a mini-fro
and wanted to avoid the fro in general.
Well, as most transitioning individuals know, you reach a
point when you just can’t handle the “half and half” anymore. After my impatience and frustration peaked
this past weekend, I decided I’d had enough. I couldn’t style my hair anymore-
I couldn’t flat-iron my hair or I’d risk damaging my new growth and I couldn’t
pull it back anymore because the new growth wasn’t being pulled back. Not to mention, I couldn’t get to my new
growth to properly take care of it. I
decided this would be the perfect opportunity to do something particularly
“daring” and step outside of my comfort zone. Time to upgrade my look and knock
off something on my bucket list. I took some scissors and cut out the relaxed
hair. For future reference, I don’t recommend this strategy. The next day I got
it trimmed up and evened out and now I’m rocking the best afro ever.
I do confess, however, that I can still feel some anxiety
over the whole thing. Over the past few days, this has challenged me in a numerous
ways and some insecurities about myself have surfaced. This is why this
particular task landed on my bucket list.
I wanted to challenge myself and prove to myself that I’m more than my
hair or even my look. I wanted to stop and see how I react to such a
significant change. Do I wallow in self-pity, drowning myself in criticism? Or
do I own it like the fierce woman I am and meet it head on, seeing it as a
learning opportunity to strengthen my mindfulness and Buddhist practice? I’m
starting to come around to the latter and to my elation to boot, I have some of
the best curls I’ve ever seen.
Be mindful. Be strong. Be fierce.
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