I just got done reading this book, and I have to say I was really impressed. It took me a couple of weeks to read it not because it was difficult, but because I found that I really just wanted to absorb the material.
After reading Krishnamurti's book, I have to say that this was a great follow up. Bayda provides the reader with a lot of tips on meditation and Zen practice as well as some guidance on what one should be focusing on when practicing. For me, this was really important seeing as how I'm often wondering if "I'm doing it right" or if I'm just going around in circles.
He divides his book into several different parts. In the first part, he lays out "What Practice Is." He introduces it by talking about our ego or the state of being cut off from our awareness of our True Self. He labels this our "substitute life." He talks about how we all have strategies that we use to escape fears that take over our lives. I think one of the most important statements he makes in this part which sums up the purpose of spiritual practice is the following:
"Genuine spiritual practice is never about fixing ourselves, because we're not broken. It's about becoming awake to who we really are, to the vastness of our True Nature, which includes even the parts of ourselves we label as "bad"."
I think one of the most enlightening and assuring points of this part was that he talks about how every person who practices "fails". They get discouraged, confused, often times taking a break or temporarily leaving the practice. He gives suggestions and talks about the different phases of discouragement and how to overcome them. I thought this was particularly reassuring since I often wonder if it is normal for me to have those feelings. He basically says that it is all part of a person's path.
I also really liked how he stressed what clear seeing actually is, and what practicing is actually about, or better yet, he gives you a broad, yet clear indication of what practicing will end up making a person see about themselves.
"Clear seeing is not the same as psychoanalyzing; we're not focusing on the past or trying to figure out why we think or behave as we do. This is an important point. We're simply attempting to observe ourselves as we are. As we begin seeing through our beliefs and strategies, we inevitably find judge and find fault with ourselves. But part of the practice of clear seeing is to observe our mind's tendency to judge and to notice how often we're not even aware of accepting our judgments as truth."
What a statement- we're not even aware of accepting our judgments as truth. This was the part that really drew me in. I think about how often I judge people or things or situations and my mind instantly takes these statements as truths. In fact I even managed to practice with that in mind for a day-watching my judgments and seeing how quickly I treat them as fact. I can tell you it's amazing what you find out about yourself.
In the next part of the book-"Attachment and Ideals"-Bayda starts off by talking about attachments. He describes attachments as the following:
"Attachments are simple beliefs-fantasies, in fact- that have become solidified as "truth" in our mind. They also partake of the energy of desire, which is based on the underlying belief that without some particular person or thing, we can never be free from suffering. Attachment also takes the form of avoidance; we believe we can't be happy as long as a particular person, condition, or object is in our lives."
This chapter on attachments led into the next chapter- addiction. Bayda opens up with the premise that we are all addicted to comfort. He talks about how each of us manipulate our lives, our thoughts, our beliefs to find comfort and avoid pain. He talks about how we are also addicted to our thoughts, our self-judgments, and our identities.
In the third part, Bayda talks about relationships. To me, this was the eye-opener of the book, but there were also points that I have to question.
Bayda starts off with this strong point:
"This is a key point; almost all of our relationship difficulties come from wanting something or someone to be different."
Think about your own relationships and hard times. Why did you have them? Because he/she wasn't giving you something you wanted or felt you needed? Exactly. Bayda argues that we were taught that relationships are supposed to give us something to make us feel better. As a result, we walk into every relationship (romantic, friendships, parental, etc.) with expectations, preferences, requirements. This transitions into the fact that we care for someone as long as they satisfy our needs and make us feel a special way.
He moves on to talk about how we transmit those expectations, "needs", etc. on to the other person, turning them into something they aren't, forcibly involving them in an unspoken pact that they have to meet these expectations. When that person doesn't (not if...when, because it is inevitable), we are exposed to fear and hurt, turning the other person into our enemy.
How do we move past this? How can we experience a relationship without all of these expectations? Bayda proposes that we have to learn to stop blaming others when we find ourselves in the middle of an emotional conflict. This means that we have to realize that all of our emotional distress comes from something we ourselves created. When we start to see this, we start to see our expectations and as we dig deeper, we see that these expectations actually come from our own fears and insecurities such as rejection or feelings of unworthiness.
I think the chapter that I had the hardest time agreeing with was the chapter on trust. Bayda proposes that when we feel as though our sense of trust has been shaken it is once again because our projections and expectations have been rejected. We feel groundlessness and pain. So far, I agree. However, as he moves into this topic he talks about how we need to deal with our projections and expectations and once we do, we will find that trust is almost a null topic because we will come to trust everyone. I suppose my problem with this is where do you draw the line? For example, if a person hits me, is my sense of trust not supposed to be shaken? At what point do I stop eliminating my expectations in a person? I agree that trust is more of a standard and mechanism to bar ourselves from fear, but at the same time, is it not needed so we aren't abused or taken for granted? Just something to think about.
All in all, I really enjoyed this book, and I would highly recommend it to someone who is interested in practicing or is even interested in spirituality. It makes you think and it definitely forces you to look at yourself, your thoughts, feelings, judgments, etc. Great read.
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