What does “Right Speech” mean?

While reading one of Thich Nhat Hanh’s books (more to come on this in the next week or so), I came across his interpretation of the five precepts, which he refers to as the five mindfulness trainings.  One thing I’ve been really trying to work on is “Right Speech”, which is the fourth mindfulness training. I think Thay phrases it beautifully:

“Aware of the suffering caused by unmindful speech and the inability to listen to others, I am committed to cultivate loving speech and deep listening in order to bring joy and happiness to others and relieve others of their suffering. Knowing that words can create happiness or suffering, I am committed to learn to speak truthfully, with words that inspire self-confidence, joy, and hope. I am determined not to spread news that I do not know to be certain and not to criticize or condemn things of which I am not sure. I will refrain from uttering words that can cause division or discord, or that can cause the family or the community to break. I will make all efforts to reconcile and resolve all conflicts, however small.”

We are socially taught that it is rude or unacceptable to be silent, even more so now with internet forums such as Twitter or Facebook where everyone who is anyone is chiming in their opinion on everything.  A lot of these opinions are less than helpful, often uneducated, and frankly are just meant to hurt another person at any cost. To me it’s all a bunch of unnecessary noise.

Speaking has become so impulsive. I’m quick to realize that right speech doesn’t just come from my mouth. It comes from my frame of mind. I’ve noticed that as soon as a judgment or thought enters my mind, I’ve already begun to communicate it—not just through words, but through facial and bodily expressions and sensations. The idea of “Right Speech” is truly something more difficult to grasp than the simple, “If you don’t have anything nice to say, then don’t say anything at all”. While this is certainly a piece of it, I think it goes a lot deeper. Simply closing my mouth and not speaking harmful words is one thing (and certainly helpful); however, it does not address the fact that I have not opened my mind large enough to accept what is in front of me.

Thus, I’ve decided to take this next month to commit to this mindfulness training seriously.  I’m going to strive to be more deliberate with my words and see communication as a helpful tool rather than something to be taken advantage of.

In the meantime I challenge you--The next time you are about to post something angry, condescending, or negative on the internet (or say such things to another person), I ask that you stop and examine how your body feels. Are you tense? Do you have a sick feeling in your stomach? Perhaps your chest feels tight? Feel the physical sensations. Then think of something nice to say. What does your body do? Does it relieve that tension? I challenge you to do the same thing when you read something mean that another person says and when you read something nice that another person says. I guarantee you there is a difference in the way your body reacts. Words can be poison or they can be medicine. YOU are the difference in how they are used. I ask that you please use them for healing. It makes the world that much better.

Month of Zen Concluded

This month has by far helped me to re-acquaint myself with the foundations of Buddhism.  Rodney Smith provided deep lessons and several takeaways that I think will aid me on my path toward a more connected and enlightened life (I highly recommend the book- Stepping out of Self-Deception).

This next month I will be focusing my attention on sewing and absorbing my lessons I just learned.  I simply think it's pertinent to give myself an opportunity find my own way without having to be constantly guided.  Of course, I'm sure that by the time the month is over my sense-of-self will have taken over and all of the lessons I just learned will be skewed. At least I tried.

So! First up will be to finish the tank top that I posted a picture of a couple of months ago (it was only half completed).  All it needs now is a zipper and few touch ups and it is set to go.  Pictures to come!!

Namaste!

Buddhism: Interconnectedness

And this week’s post…

Interconnectedness.  This has been the focus of my practice this week. I’ve been thinking a lot about how we are all connected to each other and to other (non)living things. For example, for the past couple of weeks I’ve had the strongest urge to plant flowers, vegetables, anything as long as I got my hands dirty. Finally I caved yesterday and bought myself some seeds and some dirt pellets to get started (late in the season, I know).  However, as I thought about it, this urge fits into my journey towards interconnectedness. My energy in planting the flowers and helping them grow is essential to their well-being just like the production of their vegetables and oxygen are necessary to mine. However, it doesn’t end there.  With that little plant I am also impacting the bugs and insects, soil, and over all air quality for others. Through the mere action of me placing a seed in some soil, I am impacting the lives of so many.

In the wake of this horrible tragedy in Aurora, I think this lesson of interconnectedness is also incredibly important.  The fact is this wasn’t just a heinous act committed on a group of people.  It was something committed on everyone. Furthermore it was committed by someone in this global community. His actions are felt by victims’ family members, friends, loved ones, his own family members and friends, as well as neighbors, bystanders, and people who are otherwise unaffected but may feel heartache after reading about it in the news. Tragically, this disgusting and violent act is felt by so many because we are all interconnected. (Side note: My sympathies and prayers are with everyone who was directly affected by this.)

While interconnectedness has been the theme of my spiritual practice this week, I would like to also mention something that I read this morning in Rodney Smith’s book.  He was talking about how often times our minds fool us into believing that we are experiencing the heart’s desire of compassion and, yes, interconnectedness when in fact we are simply experiencing something that the mind has made up.  He followed this up with examples such as “nice substituting for kindness” and “seriousness substituting for sincerity.”  I admit that often times I am wondering if it is my heart or mind ruling a situation and sometimes I am easily sucked into believing it's my heart if I find that I am incredibly happy or feeling slightly generous one day.  However, I think the key here is to always question where thoughts and actions are coming from.  Even if they are truly from the heart, always question and investigate and be mindful of when the sense of self comes into play.

This coming week is the last full week of my intensive refresher on Buddhism. I’m slowly starting to think about what my next month’s focus will be.  I will probably be focusing on something a little bit more mundane-perhaps sewing?

Well, until next week! Namaste!

Buddhism: What is this moment?

This is actually last week's post, but I forgot to put it up here.

Last week my re-acquaintance with Buddhism took its all familiar turn toward confusion and muddled lessons.  The biggest problem I have in my practice is often that I twist or forget what I'm supposed to be doing.  I find that when I focus on my spiritual practice, it's so easy to delve into other aspects-religion, the metaphysical, guardians, guides, etc.-that I forget I'm simply here to experience the moment.  Of course, the Buddhist peer or teacher would probably say this is my ego attempting to distract me from itself and I would wager that this is most likely accurate.

While my practice appears to be losing sincere focus, I can say that my meditation and daily mindfulness practice has begun to bear some fruit.  Although still not easily identifiable, I've begun to recognize my own conditioning and its inherent suffering.

Two Sundays ago I was watching this video about Buddhism and the narrator was talking about "identity."  He mentioned how we tend to define ourselves by our permanent identity and yet we don't have one.  There is no permanent identity that moves from one moment to the next.  So, what are we holding on to exactly? I thought this was the perfect embodiment and teaching of the three lessons/realizations of Buddhism: 1) all is suffering, 2) all is impermanent, and 3) nothing has any self.

Rodney Smith's book taught me two lessons last week.  Firstly, and perhaps the most important because I'm often wondering how will I know if my actions or words are wise or unwise, ego serves my needs based upon fears and desires.  Thus, if my words or actions are based from my fears or desires I know they are coming from an unwise place.

Secondly, Smith talks about how our conditioning teaches us to resist our fears and things that are contrary to our  beliefs.  He says to overcome this resistance we should simply surrender to the moment.  To be honest, I'm not a fan of the word "surrender".  I prefer to simply say "drop my barriers."  I think it more accurately describes what is happening or what Smith describes is happening.

As I muddle through my murky lessons of no-self, suffering, and impermanence, I will leave everyone with these two questions- "Who are you? What is this moment?"

Buddhism: Increasing Awareness and Questioning my Sincerity

Last week I found myself trying to increase my awareness and identify my sense-of-self in my everyday activities. Even now I am aware of my mind thinking about what I’m going to do after I write this post instead of embracing the stillness of Now. By doing this, I’ve been able to see how often I move away from my suffering as opposed to towards it, and I’ve been amazed how often my mind tries to uncover or create a problem in my heightened awareness where this is none.

Rodney Smith’s book has continued to keep me on track and question my conditioning. I think most importantly he has provided me with reference points where I am able to identify where I am on my path and what I need to do to further my progress.

One of the more interesting things that he has mentioned is how our minds are constantly creating mental alternatives to our reality and seeking solutions to problems that are non-existent. It is the smaller conflicts of agitation, worry, restlessness, etc. that cause us the most suffering because of how they build up over time. As a result of these conflicts, the mind desires to manipulate a person’s reality because of perceived discomfort. For example, a person is agitated because a room is too cold, so she desires to change the temperature. In this particular scenario the person has perceived that the cool temperature is a negative thing and as a result has grown a negative attachment. Thus, as a result of this attachment, the person has developed agitation, a form of suffering. If the person were to examine the feeling of the cool temperature without any positive or negative attachment thereby letting go of her agitation, she would find that she would have no desire to manipulate her reality to suit her.

I think the biggest lesson I have learned (this week) from Smith is to question everything. The very essence of the Dharma is to hold a questioning attitude toward everything and rest on the certainty of nothing. Even in determining one’s practice, you have to question what you are doing and for what purpose. Smith mentions that even then there are only certain questions that come out of wise view. Those questions that start with “what” and “who” are much better than “why” or “how”. My take on it is that asking the question of “why” assumes that the subject of the question, which we have perceived through our unwise view, actually is. Thus, “what” is more appropriate because you are re-examining your perception of the subject and thus are able to reexamine your attachment to it.

The lesson that has me thinking the most this week is Smith’s words on sincerity and intention. He describes people as having 2 intentions in their practice-one that comes from the heart (primary intention) and one that comes from the mind (secondary). The primary intention, as Smith defines it, is always peace. The secondary is your mundane desires, conditioning, and suffering. Ultimately, you have to come to the realization that your primary intention is more important and forego the desires of the secondary. This is not always easy and frankly, this is what determines how serious you are about your practice. Of course, this has me thinking about whether I am able to do what is necessary and if my true intention toward enlightenment is strong enough. Have I ultimately experienced enough suffering from my secondary desires to know the value of peace?

This week I will be continuing on my month long dedication to Buddhism. Stay tuned for more insight. Namaste!

Book Review: At Home in the Muddy Water by Ezra Bayda

I just got done reading this book, and I have to say I was really impressed. It took me a couple of weeks to read it not because it was difficult, but because I found that I really just wanted to absorb the material.

After reading Krishnamurti's book, I have to say that this was a great follow up. Bayda provides the reader with a lot of tips on meditation and Zen practice as well as some guidance on what one should be focusing on when practicing. For me, this was really important seeing as how I'm often wondering if "I'm doing it right" or if I'm just going around in circles.

He divides his book into several different parts. In the first part, he lays out "What Practice Is." He introduces it by talking about our ego or the state of being cut off from our awareness of our True Self. He labels this our "substitute life." He talks about how we all have strategies that we use to escape fears that take over our lives. I think one of the most important statements he makes in this part which sums up the purpose of spiritual practice is the following:

"Genuine spiritual practice is never about fixing ourselves, because we're not broken. It's about becoming awake to who we really are, to the vastness of our True Nature, which includes even the parts of ourselves we label as "bad"."

I think one of the most enlightening and assuring points of this part was that he talks about how every person who practices "fails". They get discouraged, confused, often times taking a break or temporarily leaving the practice. He gives suggestions and talks about the different phases of discouragement and how to overcome them. I thought this was particularly reassuring since I often wonder if it is normal for me to have those feelings. He basically says that it is all part of a person's path.

I also really liked how he stressed what clear seeing actually is, and what practicing is actually about, or better yet, he gives you a broad, yet clear indication of what practicing will end up making a person see about themselves.

"Clear seeing is not the same as psychoanalyzing; we're not focusing on the past or trying to figure out why we think or behave as we do. This is an important point. We're simply attempting to observe ourselves as we are. As we begin seeing through our beliefs and strategies, we inevitably find judge and find fault with ourselves. But part of the practice of clear seeing is to observe our mind's tendency to judge and to notice how often we're not even aware of accepting our judgments as truth."

What a statement- we're not even aware of accepting our judgments as truth. This was the part that really drew me in. I think about how often I judge people or things or situations and my mind instantly takes these statements as truths. In fact I even managed to practice with that in mind for a day-watching my judgments and seeing how quickly I treat them as fact. I can tell you it's amazing what you find out about yourself.

In the next part of the book-"Attachment and Ideals"-Bayda starts off by talking about attachments. He describes attachments as the following:

"Attachments are simple beliefs-fantasies, in fact- that have become solidified as "truth" in our mind. They also partake of the energy of desire, which is based on the underlying belief that without some particular person or thing, we can never be free from suffering. Attachment also takes the form of avoidance; we believe we can't be happy as long as a particular person, condition, or object is in our lives."

This chapter on attachments led into the next chapter- addiction. Bayda opens up with the premise that we are all addicted to comfort. He talks about how each of us manipulate our lives, our thoughts, our beliefs to find comfort and avoid pain. He talks about how we are also addicted to our thoughts, our self-judgments, and our identities.

In the third part, Bayda talks about relationships. To me, this was the eye-opener of the book, but there were also points that I have to question.

Bayda starts off with this strong point:

"This is a key point; almost all of our relationship difficulties come from wanting something or someone to be different."

Think about your own relationships and hard times. Why did you have them? Because he/she wasn't giving you something you wanted or felt you needed? Exactly. Bayda argues that we were taught that relationships are supposed to give us something to make us feel better. As a result, we walk into every relationship (romantic, friendships, parental, etc.) with expectations, preferences, requirements. This transitions into the fact that we care for someone as long as they satisfy our needs and make us feel a special way.

He moves on to talk about how we transmit those expectations, "needs", etc. on to the other person, turning them into something they aren't, forcibly involving them in an unspoken pact that they have to meet these expectations. When that person doesn't (not if...when, because it is inevitable), we are exposed to fear and hurt, turning the other person into our enemy.

How do we move past this? How can we experience a relationship without all of these expectations? Bayda proposes that we have to learn to stop blaming others when we find ourselves in the middle of an emotional conflict. This means that we have to realize that all of our emotional distress comes from something we ourselves created. When we start to see this, we start to see our expectations and as we dig deeper, we see that these expectations actually come from our own fears and insecurities such as rejection or feelings of unworthiness.

I think the chapter that I had the hardest time agreeing with was the chapter on trust. Bayda proposes that when we feel as though our sense of trust has been shaken it is once again because our projections and expectations have been rejected. We feel groundlessness and pain. So far, I agree. However, as he moves into this topic he talks about how we need to deal with our projections and expectations and once we do, we will find that trust is almost a null topic because we will come to trust everyone. I suppose my problem with this is where do you draw the line? For example, if a person hits me, is my sense of trust not supposed to be shaken? At what point do I stop eliminating my expectations in a person? I agree that trust is more of a standard and mechanism to bar ourselves from fear, but at the same time, is it not needed so we aren't abused or taken for granted? Just something to think about.

All in all, I really enjoyed this book, and I would highly recommend it to someone who is interested in practicing or is even interested in spirituality. It makes you think and it definitely forces you to look at yourself, your thoughts, feelings, judgments, etc. Great read.